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I don't know how to say this out loud, I feel spiritually in love with another soul. The kind of love that doesn't mean sex or life time companionship and devotion but the kind of love that makes you feel like you instantly know someone, an instant connection of souls. I feel so connected with you, but not in a sexual way, I don't find you unattractive but I don't love you that way. I love you like a brother and sister that have been separated for a thousand years and finally reunited but in a new place, a new time, somewhere that isn't natural to us, somewhere we don't belong but ultimately we do - we have to. I always knew that I was different, not normal, didn't belong, misunderstood. You came and you changed that, you opened my eyes and mind and you allowed me to see what I was blocking out, what I was missing. That feeling of the unknown that I have lived with my whole life, taunted and bullied about it because no one understands, not a soul on this planets understands. But they do, and it is you. And now I'm seeing things and noticing things, more and more people and passers by, they know too. They feel it too. Everyone feels it, they just don't know they do. Their eyes and mind and soul haven't been empowered to the greater force that is the unknown. How can it be unknown? its out there and its so simple, so fucking clear. But then its not, because no one seems to see it even though its there in-front of them, screaming, crying for a saviour. Poverty, pain, suffering, murder, cruelty - preventable. There is a rich kid on one side of the world splashing and diving into his heated private pool, on the other is a child dying because his water, his only source of life, is contaminated, poisonous, deadly. Is that right? No. But its okay, I'll just shrug it off because my children are well fed and I have to pay rent and bills and my car insurance is due and, and, and. There is always another and. Always. That won't stop, people won't miraculously give up their cars and their computers to help other people, they just won't, it would never happen.       It also doesn't need to happen, the simple way of saving our world could bring it together in equality and peace.  That would also never happen. Its like asking David Cameron to give up his silver spoon, never going to happen. Nothing is ever going to fucking happen.

The way forward sits in your own mind, you need to find it, spark it, set it the fuck on fire and feel it burn deep into your soul. Let it take you to the unknown, let it show you what needs to be done, one simple simple thing that people just don't see, not even me but I know its there, I see it but I am yet to interpret it and live it, but I will. You can see it in all its glory. War and poverty will cease to exist. Money will, and shouldn't, have a place in society. Why should our lives be moulded and controlled by little round pieces of worthless metal and notes of paper? Why should it be that way? War and  poverty will cease to exist when society grows a set of balls and fucks money up the arse, just like money has been doing to society for all this time. All these wasted years, for what? What purpose did we serve, apart from conforming and following suit? We didn't, and we won't until people start to feel the burn in their soul and see the passion and feel the joy of a new world, a better one, where no one needs to fear a thing and depression is unheard of. A world where children don't need to think about what they are going to be when they grow up and actually enjoy childhood with out this constant fear of responsibility, working. We should live from the land, not from our pockets and payslips and giros. Imagine a farmer, feeding his pigs from the trough. Now imagine that farmer with a government face and a government voice and imagine that pig as you and the food as money. That is what we all look like, we eat from the trough of the government and we eat money and shit money back out again and really it doesn't matter at all because when we die, the money will just go back into the trough and someone else will eat it and shit it back out. Money is worthless. A desirable evil that every human seems to crave and need and want, but no body actually thinks do they? Imagine a world with no money. If nobody had money then there would be no wars because no one would have anything to fight about. If nobody had money then everybody would live from the land, like intended, free and independent and happy. Technology is unnatural, and 50 years ago barely existed, but 50 years ago people were happier than we are now. I don't think that the human race has ever had a chance to be happy. Jesus came, he did not finish. Buddha came, he did not finish. Mohammed came, he did not finish. The gods came down but did not help, they left, abandoned. They left people with messages, wrongly interpreted messages that lead to 'me,me,me, I'm better than you, you are not the same religion/race/age/gender/sexuality as me therefore you should die. Jesus didn't sacrifice his life for anyone, he was trying to show you that it doesn't matter. To show us that there is more, he died in hope that people wouldn't turn out this way, the stupidity and ignorance that is us. That is if he existed at all, but its still the same whether he was there or not, his story and his believers misunderstood. No one finished, not one of these prophets came and finished, and you know that means unfinished business. Someone, somewhere, somehow, will finish this. They will come and finish what our stupidity and big headed selfishness has caused. And they will eliminate the self acclaimed elite and put them back in their places, down here with the rest of us. No one is any better than the next person, all we are is jelly, jelly with a brain, the same.

If you feel it, if you feel the burn, the pain of being misunderstood for your whole life and needing to belong, then do something. I want to stand up and scream and shout and shoot people, but not actually kill or hurt, just show people, just open minds and create the unknown and craft and mould and live. If I do no one will listen, I will be pushed in the corner, labelled as crazy. People will laugh, or ignore, no one will listen or care. Apart from you, my soul brother, my spiritual partner. The one I feel so connected to, as if we have known each other in our past lives and breathed the same air before, just not as toxic. Maybe you will listen and know and understand and care. Maybe, but I'll never know, because I will never tell. I can't open up and speak out, I don't know why, hence the writing and the thoughts that trail through my mind like a gang of hitch-hiking hippies on their pilgrimage to India. I just can't, I try but the words don't come out and the moment just doesn't feel right, my brain will freeze up and I act as if I'm stupid. But I take everything in, my sponge like mind, I do not forget, everything you have told me I soak up into my mind and store in its own little section in my personal rambles library, and it scares me, the images that flash through my mind at night, the thought that this new world might not come, maybe its all a lie, just a figment of someone's imagination, or maybe we are? And I remember, almost every detail. And I analyse and research the findings and come to my own conclusions. But those conclusions will stay locked up in my mind, until I start again, until I come back and redo the wrongs to put them right. Until then I will always be that girl, the different one without a friend in the world. Good.